“It has to get better—I know it will. I feel change coming. Call it intuition or a hunch, or faith that simmers in the gut and hovers in the mind. Something is going to happen—something that will change everything. I wrap my hope in this belief and hold it tight like a cherished memento.”
“She is waiting on the front stoop, wavy shoulder-length dark hair. She has a suitcase on the step in front of her. She sparkles with silver rings on her fingers. She waits for me. Smoke trails from between her lips and wafts into the night. I approach and stop, frozen at the base of the stairs. This the moment it begins. Her cigarette is perched delicately in her hand, arm bowed against her knee. She watches me with coal-burnt eyes that radiate with immediate recognition. She smiles the smile I remember.”
“Gretchen doesn’t offer me inane advice. She doesn’t offer condolences. She only reaches across the table and takes my hand. I guess I failed at the self-deprecation. People claim to not want pity when it concerns their deepest emotions, or their trampled dreams and spirits, but they lie. Her unspoken sympathy is the loveliest thing I have seen in years. One hand in hers across the table. I take a drink with the other. My heart races but I squeeze her hand. She does not pull away. Some people can accept damage.”
“Her eyes move toward mine. And I move in to her, and our eyes close and all that exists is the touch and press of our lips. It becomes forceful. Her tongue slides into my mouth and mingles with mine. My hands on her waist, her hips, her arms around me, roving up and down my back. I feel myself stir. There is damage here but I cannot, and will not, stop. The guilt I know I should negate right now is not there. I am enlivened, charged, erect. This sin is a stampede of hormones and craving.
And we part. I step back, my arms fall limp to my sides. Gretchen backs to the gated apartment door with an uneasy, enchanted smile. What the hell was that? Whatever it was comes to me like a menacing stranger. Shock? Passion? I feel it and I make myself fight it. I give her a similar smile and wave and walk and I hear the keys open the gate and it closes and I am gone into the night.”